I fully believe in focusing on the things that I am grateful for in life... and there are certainly many! However, this has been a challenge for me recently (boo)
I have had some disappointments intertwined with all of the daily wonderful blessings... such is life, right?
It just seems like the disappointments have been outweighing the blessings, or maybe it is just that the disappointments have stung me a little deeper.
Considering that I have been using Troy as my sounding board for the last 2 weeks, and the poor man has been up to his eyeballs in my 'feelings' I figured I would give him a respite and reach out to my blog buddies...
I have a friendship, that has been broken. Broken by little white lies here and there, a lot of broken words and most recently a few hurtful and permanently damaging actions. I have held onto this friendship for a long time, I have invested quite a bit of time and myself into being a friend. By NO means have I been a perfect friend this whole time, but I can confidently say that I have tried my best. I can also confidently say that I have tried by best to make up for all the times I have been a not so great friend.
Up until now, I have never really taken an inventory of what maintaining this friendshp has entailed. I began to grow tired of the negativity and the one-sided-ness of this person. The older I have grown, the more I have learned about myself. I really truly enjoy simplicity...if you ever saw my closet you would think I am full of ba-loney! But truthfully... I have grown tired of inconsistencies, and the dramatics and the insecurities associated with certain relationships and situations in my life.
I never intended for this relationship to break, I just wanted to open the door to talk about it freely. Apparently my friend is not at this time willing to do this. In fact she is more willing to just write it off. This is the part that is utterly confusing to me... I do not understand how someone can write off 15 years of their life. Actually I don't understand how my friend can write off her 15 year relationship with me.
This situation has been tough on me, because I have such mixed feelings about it... I am happy to be rid of the 'drama' behind it, but it saddens me as well.
To top it all off... my health is not where I would like it to be. Nothing major, just nothing necessarily good either.
I realize that all of this is playing together to cloud my generally positive demeanor. I also realize that I need to give myself time... to get past the blow of losing a once positive (or so I thought) friendship. Also time to get my health back in order. I just do not want anymore days when I wake up feeling even slightly blue or crabby. I know I need to switch my train of thought to the many blessings in my life... I just cant seem to do that at the moment, which leaves me a little disappointed in myself. This is not like me at all!
That is all my debbie downer blogging for today! Here is to the days filled with more blessings than disappointments (I know you are out there....)
Troy and I
Emma and I
Emma and I
The 3 of us
Brothers, sisters, nieces & nephews
Some of my most favorite people
Saturday, February 20, 2010
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You said it best, why are you allowing this to drag you down? Face it, people change as they grow older, sometimes not in the ways we would like. You are still at the early stages of a long and happy life. You can choose to grab happiness or to be taken down in disappointment. Life lesson #1 "people make mistakes-lose a friend-make a new one!"
ReplyDeleteHey girl, just thought I'd stop by and say thanks for following Project Pretty. Keep your head up, times like this are usually when a blessing is just lurking around the corner! :)
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